The Recovery

Now I can only speak for Critical Care Neuropathy, but the random shooting pains are really no fun. Neurotonin is a great medication, it is keeping the pains bearable, unfortunately it does not appear to reverse the damage. It does reduce the feeling that someone is forcing a stake through my foot from happening every 4-8 minutes to happening 6-10 times a day. I was able to start driving again a couple of weeks before they mentioned I should try it, They were amazed when they found out I had climbed the ladder to replace a blown fuse in the AC, when I had asked them about climbing a ladder a few days earlier they told me to try, but that they thought I would only be able to go up 3-4 rungs at most.

I had wanted to keep this chronological, but it hurts too much not to vent somewhere, why does it seem that everyone around me is finding the relationships they are looking for, but not even any prospects out there for me? Since actively starting to look last October, I am 0 for I don't know how many hundreds of women I have tried to contact. Listening to my wife talk to her boyfriend in the Great Lakes area on the phone hurts so very bad, not because I am jealous of him, but because I am jealous of what they have. When will I find anything that lasts beyond the first kind of date? And is there some sort of rule for online dating where if I have not propositioned them by the 4th message the stop having conversations with me? I gave up on any real hopes of finding a new partner about a month ago, all I am really expecting to find at this point is a few new gods damned friends, and even that is not fucking happening. I am that most pathetic of creatures aren't I, the polyamorous person who is only ever going to have a single physical relationship at a time. I am getting sick of hearing "Don't give up, it's just a numbers game", "You can't give up, you'll find someone eventually", "Don't be discouraged, there's someone out there for you". Yes there is someone out there for me, problem from the poly perspective is it looks like it is someONE, and I have already found her.

Well it is way too damn late, the teething toddler looks to finally be out for the night, and it is hard to see what I am typing. Well maybe I will be up to typing more in the afternoon, after I have forced all this heartache back in the box it belongs in, I hate being so weak that I can't keep my emotions under control.